The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Relinquish Rightness
Are you ever tempted to try to correct others' mistakes? We know the best way, and therefore the right way of doing something, and it's our responsibility to tell others how to do it. Or is it?
The need to be right is a major contributor to the problems we face in the world today. We work so hard at trying to prove to everyone what is right that we wear ourselves out. Take a look at all the violence and strife in the world. If you look hard enough, you will find that the reason for most of the problems stem from the fact that one person, or group believes in something and wants to dominate another group with that belief. They believe they are right, and no one else has any right to believe otherwise. Often, they use brute force to get their way.
Sometimes, letting other people be right, whether they are or not, disarms them. This encourages open communication allowing them not only to listen to you but perhaps actually hearing you. I think it's more important to do what is right than to always try to prove you are right.
Some people you just can't reason with, no matter what. This is where you have to judge, is this worth fighting for? You may be right, but is this really worth fighting for? If we are honest, we may realize where we may have contributed to the problem. Even if you are right, it's more important to find a solution than to prove to the world that you are right.
Often things happen to us that offend us. Have you ever wondered why you may feel offended? Often the feeling of being offended stems from a feeling of insecurity. For instance, in a situation where someone is trying to sell you something and giving you a hard sell, you might be tempted to be offended. Why should the hard sell upset you so? After all, you don't have to buy it. All you have to say is, "I don't want it." They do not have power over you unless you give it. On some level, people take the hard sell very personally, as if the person is out to get them.
Clinging tightly to ideas, things, and people severely limits you from enjoying life. I am happiest when I don't have to be right all the time. What a burden it is to have to constantly prove yourself.
Have you ever had this experience, for instance? You get an idea that you think is the most wonderful idea in the world, and you can't wait to share it with others. It is so obvious to you that the idea is wonderful, and if others would agree and go along with it, their lives would be wonderful, as well. It's so frustrating when other people don't immediately agree with you. In fact, for some strange reason, they just turn their back on the idea and won't even give it a chance.
If they would only do what I tell them, their life would be heaven. Then I realized that it was rather arrogant of me to think this way, and sometimes, I am in the wrong.
All people have to find their own way and make their own decisions. Even if it means they may end up suffering. It's their choice – their journey. Why is it so important to get others to agree with you? When others are agreeable and go along with what we say or want them to do, it could be interpreted as superiority. If you are not strong and secure in yourself, it makes you feel good to get others to go along with you. It makes you feel important.
Whether it is for the good or the bad, others cannot be forced into doing or believing in something just because I think it's a good thing. Maybe the idea is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but it's not up to me to force it on others. They need to come to it themselves. Besides, I might even be wrong.
It's important to have your opinion and beliefs and to be steadfast. When you are true to what you believe and are open, vulnerable, and willing to share it, you will enrich the world. However, it is also important that whatever your ideas are, you can't force them on others or try to make them adopt your beliefs. Share openly, without condescension or condition, and let them find their own way.
When I came to this decision, it was such freedom. I no longer have to prove myself to the world. I am free to be, to share, and to no longer carry the burden of the world on my shoulders. Concentrate on developing your inward focus and see how you have contributed. Be your own person – someone who has a strong view, excellent ideas, and is willing to share and contribute, but someone who doesn't need to push themselves or their ideas on others in order to prove this. Learn to listen and listen to learn. Resist the urge to fix others.
Develop a Healthy Self-Esteem
The more you are secure with who you are, the less you need to fix others. One way to work on this is to read books and take courses to develop a positive self-image.(Like the full version of Strategies for Happiness) This may seem obvious, but sometimes we need to be reminded that there is a wealth of knowledge and wisdom from which we can draw and learn.
Here is a list of great books you could read:
What Happy People Know: How The New Science Of Happiness Can Change Your Life For The Better by by Cameron Stauth , Dan Baker
What Happy Women Know: How New Findings In Positive Psychology Can Change Women's Lives For The Better by y Dan Baker , Ina Yalof , Cathy Greenberg Ph.D
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by D M Burns
Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself From The Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, And Attitudes That Hold You Back by Milton R. Cudney , Robert E. Hardy
The Power Of Belief by Ray Dodd
Pulling Your Own Strings by Wayne Dyer
Your Erroneous Zones by Wayne Dyer
How To Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons by Albert Ellis
A Guide To Rational Living by Albert Ellis , Robert A. Harper
How We Choose To Be Happy The 9 Choices Of Extremely Happy People–Their Secrets, Their Stories by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks
Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
Optimal Thinking How To Be Your Best Self by Rosalene Glickman
Happiness Is A Choice by Barry Neil Kaufman
Paradoxical Commandments Finding Personal Meaning In A Crazy World Kent M. Keith
Self Matters Creating Your Life From The Inside Out by Phillip C. McGraw
Happiness Is A Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual by Dennis Prager
The Four Agreements, A Practical Guide To Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Authentic Happiness Using The New Positive Psychology To Realize Your Potential For Lasting Fulfillment by Martin Seligman
Learned Optimism: How To Change Your Mind And Your Life by Martin Seligman
You Can Choose To Be Happy "Rise Above" Anxiety, Anger And Depression by Tom G. Stevens
Personal Development programs to consider:
Peak Potentials' mission is to ". . . educate and inspire people to live in their Higher Self based in Courage, Purpose and Joy, versus Fear, Need and Obligation." They provide high energy, fun, and life-changing seminars.
Landmark Education provides personal development training events "...that are innovative, effective, and immediately relevant. The Landmark Forum, the foundation of all Landmark Education's programs, is designed to bring about a fundamental shift or transformation in what is possible in people's lives."
The Hoffman Institute has a program called The Hoffman Quadrinity Process which, they say, has produced lasting benefits for more than 50,000 participants all over the world.