The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Don't Take It Personal
If others are upset with you, it's their problem, not yours. Do not allow the thoughts, and perceptions of others to determine your self-worth and value.
Don Miguel Ruiz says that as we grow up, we are taught to believe all sorts of things as true. These ideas involve how we see ourselves and our world. When we accept these concepts and ideas as true, we are in essence agreeing with them. He calls this process "Domestication".
He says, "As children, we didn't have the opportunity to choose our beliefs, but we agreed with the information that was passed to us. . . As soon as we agree, we believe it, and this is called faith. To have faith is to believe unconditionally." The problem is that so often the beliefs we agree to are lies – lies that say that we are unworthy, ugly, or evil. He says that "If we can see it is our agreements that rule our own life, and we don't like the dream of our life, we need to change the agreements."
In order to facilitate this process, his book outlines four new agreements that we can make with ourselves. The second of these agreements is "Don't take anything personally." The author talks about this agreement by saying, "Nothing other people do is because of you. . . All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. . . Others are going to have their own opinion according to their belief system, so nothing they think about me is really about me, but it is about them."
Choose to make the decision to not take what others said and did personally. It will give such a sense of freedom and power. By not allowing yourself to take the actions of others too personally, you are taking control of your life. Honestly look at what is said and done, and if you see that there is no validity to it, disregard it. You know yourself better than anyone else, so you know if something is true, real, and valid. Don't promote a lie by giving it any validity through agreeing to the pain.
Even if the intent was cruel, make sure to examine it to see if there's any truth in it. Then you can decide what needs to be changed and be grateful for the lesson. If there's no truth to it, realize that it will affect you only if you give it permission to do so. Don't let their action define you. Only you can define you.
Visualization
Close your eyes and see the person who has hurt you. Envision yourself telling them in a loving and gentle manner that their view of you is irrelevant and not your reality.
Now, say to yourself, "I am the creator of my reality and I choose to release this hurt. I forgive. I agree not to take this action personally. I am free and live independent of the good opinion of others." If you sincerely believe your actions have been hurtful and harmful, see yourself asking for forgiveness and see them giving it to you.
Find the Lesson
Though you agree to not taking the action personally, identify at least one lesson you can learn from what has happened and record it in your Appreciation Log. Determine how you can profit from this lesson and take action. Record the actions you have taken and what the results were.
Read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel RuizI can't say enough about this book. Buy the book, sit down and read it, today! Don't be put off by some of the mystical sounding language, but study the concepts and open yourself to the simple, common sense, very logical, practical, and powerful message.