The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Focus on What You Want
Honesty is a good thing, right? It most certainly is! So, when I talk about what I don't like, I am being totally honest about the situation. Or maybe I am using honesty as a means to justify the opportunity to complain.
Oh, how we love to complain. It's such a pleasure to find others who understand our pain and enjoy putting in their two cents' worth. While it may feel good to hear others join you on your rant, complaining may cause more problems by once again making you focus on what you don't want in your life.
In the book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, T. Harv Eker says that complaining makes us a 'crap magnet'. In other words, the more we complain, the more we attract negative events into our lives. He puts forth a challenge to go a whole week without any complaining, and how it has transformed lives.There is a lot of talk about thinking positively and focusing on what you want and not what you don't want. Some people say that what you focus on expands, so if you focus on what is bad, you will get more of it. If you focus on what you want, you will get more of that. When I am stating, however innocently, about what I don't like about a situation, then I am going to get more of it.
How do I overcome this urge to share the negatives of my experience and still be true to my honesty and integrity? You can't ignore the nasty in your life or in the world around you, but you can take part in the solution. Though having positive thoughts may not solve all your problems, they can help to shape your beliefs. If you have strong, healthy beliefs about yourself and the world around you, your thoughts will reflect that. If you have a positive mindset and outlook, you are in a better frame of mind and creativity to find solutions to the problems.
Once I went for training to develop my skills as an IT instructor. We had to do mini-demos of our teaching style and technique. Afterwards, we were evaluated, and feedback was given to help us improve our performance.
We were told that in giving feedback, we were to never start with what they did wrong or what we didn't like about the presentation. Instead, we were told that we had to start off by sharing with the individual what we liked best about what they did.
After we shared as much encouragement as we could, we then were to proceed to the areas to improve. It was to be stated in a positive manner. We were to say "Next time, how about trying this. . ." We would give the person an idea of how to take something we thought they could improve on and do it better.
So instead of saying "You should not look at your notes so much," we would say, "Next time try looking at the audience more and maintain good eye contact with them." This not only gave a positive swing to the feedback, but put it in the future tense, implying that there would be a next time. Instead of making the person feel bad by saying, "You looked at your notes too much," which is in the past and points to what you felt they did wrong, we looked to the future with the expectation that they were doing well and that next time would be better, as well as giving them some ideas about how to accomplish it.
It is more powerful to be for something, than against it. Mother Theresa was once asked to join an anti-war rally. She responded, no, but if they were ever going to have a peace rally, she would be there.
I thought about this, and how it could be applied to my daily life. I want to think positively, I want to change my beliefs and I want to focus on what I want, not what I don't want. At the same time, I don't want to turn a blind eye to what bothers me because it bothers me for a reason and needs to be addressed.
Through using the evaluation technique, I have learned to evaluate my experiences with honesty. I can state what I really like about an experience or event, and when I get to what I don't like, state it in a manner that is forward-looking. Instead of saying, "I don't like the way I handled such and such," I will say "Next time, I'm going to be more sensitive and thoughtful, as I . . ."
If you have a hard time thinking of an alternative course of action, express it as you would like it to be. Michael Losier, author of The Law of Attraction (www.lawofattractionbook.com), says that in order to create positive vibrations, you should make statements such as this, "I love knowing that my ideal ___ is . . . ", or "I'm excited at the thought of. . ." or "I love how it feels when I. . ." Saying these statements allows you to be honest and at the same time, to focus on what you want to bring into your life.
How about playing make believe? Create a Vision Book. Mike Dooley, author of the book Notes from the Universe (www.tut.com) suggests you create a book and fill it with pictures of places and things you want in your life. Write letters of "thank you" to yourself, paste positive quotes or anything that helps to create a mindset of what it would feel like to have had already accomplished your goals.
For instance, if you want to take part in a play, write a letter to yourself from the manager of the play, thanking you for all your hard work, and how your participation made the play such a success or write a positive review of the play, expounding on how it will be a smash success on Broadway.
Fill it with all sorts of imagery of how you want your life to be, and then look at it every day for at least 10 minutes and daydream. Make sure it stirs and excites you with joy when you look at it. Keep it fresh, often replacing items that no longer ignite your joy with something new. Not only will this keep your outlook and mindset positive and happy, but it will help you to move closer to achieving your goals. Include pictures that just make you smile, or even laugh out loud. The more positive the emotion it creates, the better your result.
These techniques may seem too simple to really be effective, but often it is those simple concepts that are the most powerful. So next time you are tempted to be negative, take a look at the thought. Your statement will reflect something in you or your life that you don't like or don't want. Stop and rephrase it to say what you would prefer to happen. Concentrate on thinking of ways you can make it happen. State in the future the next time scenario and, watch how your life changes.