The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
The Jigsaw Puzzle
My daughter Rebecca used to love jigsaw puzzles. She would take up the whole living room when working on them and for days we would have to tippy-toe carefully around so as not to disturb them. Then, when it was finished, she would just take the puzzle, break it up, and put it back in the box.
Picture yourself working on a very complicated puzzle, one of those 500 - 1000 piece jobs. Piece by piece the picture forms as you feverishly anticipate the result. You might look for all the outside pieces and make a frame, then fill it up, watching the picture take shape and form. Referring to the picture on the box, you watch the progress.
Finally, you come to that climactic moment. You are about to feel the joy and sense of accomplishment as you plunk down that last piece. You can just feel the click of that piece going into place.
Your hand moves to pick up that final piece but it's not there! You feel around, certain that you just saw it. You look all around the table, under the chair, in the box, but nothing it's just not there. It doesn't matter that most of the picture is there, splendid in its colour and glory. No, one piece is missing, and that's all that matters. What a disappointment! All that work for nothing. Ouch!
That's often how we view our life. Unless everything is perfect, unless all the pieces are present and fit according to plan, we are not happy. That is not realistic. If perfection is what we are waiting for in order to be happy, we never will be.
We may have all sorts of wonderful things in our life, except that one piece is missing one little aspect of our life that's not perfect. There's one small item that's not there, and that's all we can think about.
Are you living your life like a jigsaw with a missing piece? It may be such a beautiful work of art, everything fits well and looks great, but we focus on what is missing, and miss out on all that we do have. That one little piece can be a source of pain, frustration and depression stemming from a lack of appreciation of what we do have.
What is your missing piece? It will vary from person to person and depends on what you value most. I don't dismiss the reality that the missing piece is important to you. I'm sure the pain is real. However, I encourage you to stop focusing on what is missing and celebrate all that you have. Otherwise, you will drive yourself insane. There are many reasons why the missing piece may cause so much pain. Let's examine three of them; Focus, Image and Expectation.
Focus
First, let's take a look at Focus. If we focus on the one piece that is missing from our puzzle, all we can see is that little blank space. You don't look at the rest of the puzzle the amazing picture that is your life. You don't see all the hard work and effort you put into it, how far you have come, or what you have achieved. All you can see is that you are a failure. You might call yourself stupid for having lost that piece. Like Homer Simpson you might hit your head and yelp, d'oh!
Instead, you must stop obsessing over that blank space. Pull your eyes away from that piece and celebrate all the beautiful tapestry of your life. Look at your life as a whole and realize all that you have accomplished and contributed. Nobody is a failure unless all they can see is that one little hole.
Image
It's upsetting when a piece is missing from the puzzle, making the picture imperfect. We grow up with a picture in our head of what our ideal life should be. When the ideal doesn't come true, or the perfect picture is somehow shattered by reality, we may allow ourselves to become bitter because life does not work out the way we want it to.
Expectation
This brings us to the third reason why the missing pieces may make us unhappy. Expectations! As we are working away at the jigsaw, we're anticipating the end. It is important to be realistic and make sure that our expectations are not beyond the realm of possibility.
We are expecting the pleasure we will feel when we complete the work. Often we build up our expectation way too high, so that when the event finally happens, it may fall far short of what we had hoped for and dreamed of.
Expectations also frustrate us when the thing we are expecting doesn't even happen. Just imagine, you plan something for months and the day arrives when bang, it all falls apart. This is going to happen, it's part of life but we must not let it destroy our life.
While it's a good idea to plan and look forward to things in the future, just remember that we must not allow our expectations to have too much power over us. Learn to enjoy where you are at this very moment.
Expectations can be fun, but it can become a source of unhappiness if you fall into the temptation of feeling entitled. When people feel that they are entitled to something, they lose their appreciation for that thing and everything they already have. The result is none other than unhappiness.
This sense of entitlement can destroy the most essential element of Happiness in anyone's life: Gratitude! If you feel the world owes you, and you are entitled to something, when it does come your way, you will not truly appreciate it. You will feel cheated and misused. If you don't get what you feel is owed to you, you will become bitter and angry. The more gratitude you develop in your life, the happier you will be guaranteed.
Expectations are good things when you focus on the possibility without being tied down to the end result. They can give you a positive goal to look towards, as long as we don't get out of sorts when things don't happen exactly as planned. Therefore, expect that you will have a good life. Expect that people will treat you well. Expect that your children will behave properly. And if these things do not come to pass as expected, let it go.
Dealing with the Blank Space
So how do you deal with the missing pieces in your life? How do you live with that little blank space on the Jigsaw that is your life? What you need to do is take stock of the magnificent picture that is your life and develop a proper appreciation of it. Then you need to look at that missing piece and make a decision. Either find something to fill up that space, or decide to learn to live without it.
First of all, acknowledge that there is a piece missing. To the best of your ability, identify what it is. Second, ask yourself how important this missing piece is to your health and happiness. Is it something you truly want? Third, either find a way to obtain the missing piece, just forget about it, or find a suitable alternative. If you really feel the need to have this item, do whatever it takes to get it, while being realistic. Question yourself intensely to be sure it's an essential part of your being. If you can't convince yourself, totally, that the item is indispensable, you need to either forget about it or find something else that may be just as good. In the end, you might find that you were either better off without it, or that whatever alternative you came up with was even better.
What are some items that people often consider their little blank space to be? One of the biggest missing pieces that can cause so much pain is what they may perceive as a lack of love romantic love to be specific. The desire for a relationship is one of the driving forces in our life. After all, nature wants us to find a mate and propagate the species. Aside from that, it's just a very enjoyable experience.
However, it's something you can't force. You can't make another person love you. If you wait around for that special someone to sweep you off your feet and make all your problems go away, you could be missing out on many exciting and truly fulfilling experiences. Don't say to yourself, Poor me, I am stuck here at home with no one special to do anything with. Instead of concentrating on that piece, concentrate on developing yourself to be the best you you can be, by learning to love yourself unconditionally.
You already have a relationship with the most wonderful person in the world You! Give yourself permission to love yourself and do whatever it takes to develop your talents, skills and abilities and share them with the world. Concentrate on loving yourself first, fully, unashamedly, with passion and joy. If you don't love yourself, it will be harder for others to love you, as well. This is the best way to prepare for that special someone, and if they never show up, you are still a winner.
Whatever your missing jigsaw piece is, decide what you are going to do with it. Is it something you simply must have? Is it something that you can really live without? Is there some alternative that could give you the same satisfaction?
Celebrate the wonder of who you are, including all your warts and wrinkles. Find your missing piece and fill it with the love, joy and gratitude that only you can provide.