The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Embrace Failure
There is a school of thought that says that you should never, ever, ever give up – that true failure is not when you don't succeed at something, but if you stop trying. In the Disney movie The Haunted Mansion, the main character was trying to get back into the mansion to save his wife and children. He tried many things, but just couldn't get in. He sat there in dismay and self-defeat.
He was asked what he was doing and replied that he tried and tried, but couldn't get in and was a failure. It was pointed out to him that he had tried and failed numerious times but that he only really failed when he stop trying.
This is sound advise, as long as each time you try, you examine your actions, and figure out why it didn't work. Then change you action plan and try again. Make sure you don't do the exact same thing continually and expect different results as that is a sign of insanity.
True failure is when you either let the unrealized goal ruin you or when the pain of the lack of success controls you. It's when you look at the unsuccessful event and say, "See, this is proof that I am a failure," instead of saying, "Well, I tried and found it wasn't for me." Even worse, true failure is being so afraid of failure that you don't even try.
Sometimes, you have to give up on a dream. There can be freedom in letting go. I am not saying give up because the thing is too hard. You often have to work hard to achieve your dreams. There can come a point where you are using way too much personal energy for little gain, when there could be other things you could be doing that would be even better. You may be focusing so much on "not giving up" that you miss the boat on other opportunities that could work even better.
The trick is recognizing the difference. Making mistakes or not achieving the goals you set out to do is not failure, just a learning experience.
Changing the direction of your focus, adjusting your goals to fit your new knowledge and maybe even changing you goals completely are perfectly acceptable as long as you are learning, adapting, and not giving up on yourself. If there comes a time that you decide that continuing is not in your best interest – that the goal no longer serves you, don't consider yourself a failure. The ultimate failure is to never even try because of fear. Some people are so afraid of failure that they never even try. They will never know the exhilaration of the dream. They are stuck in their mediocre world, safe in their harbour of the mundane.
Maybe you failed to attain your goal, but at least you tried. You have had the chance to spread your wings and gain an experience. This shows courage, curiosity, and creativity.
You don't have to go through you life wondering what if. You now can put your energies into finding out what's next. Celebrate your failures, learn from them, share what you have learned and continue in the search for your passion.
Failure Can be Blessing in Disguise
At some point, you may have to stop and examine what you are doing. Maybe you are approaching something in the wrong way and this venture is not for you. You need to look at other options. There are many different ways to getting the results you want.
If you do come to the conclusion that the goal you desire is not in your best interest, take the opportunity to glean any lessons you can from the experience and move on. Take what you have learned, change your direction, and find something else that, though different, is just as wonderful.
In may turn out that whatever it was you were trying to achieve was not what you really wanted or needed. Trying things out gives you the opportunity to experience things and see how things fits in your life. If you seemingly fail at something, it could be because you are using the wrong approach, or it just isn't what you need. Never look at the failure as a negative thing, but as a chance to learn and grow.
Do your best, but when it doesn't go well, don't beat yourself up over it. Instead, forgive yourself. Feel free to making mistakes, as they often teach us our greatest lessons. Like the lesson of how not to do something. Our experience helps us to understand that we either really do not want something, or that there is a better way of doing it.
Change is Good
When you experience failure, it gives you an opportunity to take stock of your life. What things are good? What things are not so good? What do you need to change? What things are fine the way they are?
If there is something in your life that needs changing, then gather the courage to make the change. It doesn't matter how far you have gone; it's not too late to change. It's better to cut your losses and make the necessary change to start new and fresh than to just hold on to an old behaviour, person, place or thing that causes so much pain.
Don't be afraid of change because you think that this is the way you have always done it or that it was the way you were taught to do it. Maybe you have invested so much time and energy that it would be a waste to give it up now. If it does not bring you joy and fulfillment, if it doesn't help you to fulfill your purpose, then maybe you need to let it go.
If a relationship brings you only pain and sadness, is it worth keeping? If that second car is only a status symbol and the frustration of keeping up the payments is overbearing, is it worth it?
Failure is not a bad thing. In fact, the only real failure is if you give up before you attain a positive result even if it turns out to be very different from your original vision. Not trying at all is even worse because you will never know what could have been. Instead of being afraid of failure, be afraid to accomplishing nothing, which is the worst of all fates.