The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
The Power of Choice
Is your life a choice or a chance? Is the quality of your life an accident or dumb luck? I maintain that our life has little to do with chance and more to do with the choices we make, whether we are aware of it or not.
We make choices every day of our lives. Many of them are conscious, such as deciding what to wear to work, what to eat for breakfast, etc. Then there are others that we are not so aware of that can shape our personality and the flavour of our lives.
It's a common belief that events in our life shape our character and personality. As discussed earlier with the ABCs of button pushing, it's not the actual events, but how we choose to react that does the shaping. If tragedy strikes, we can decide to let it defeat us, or we can decide to gather strength and rise above the situation. It's not what is done to us that's important, but how we decide to react to it.
One of the most important choices you need to make is to decide who is in control of your life. You can define the moment, or let it define you.
Are you an angry person? Are you bitter? Are you happy? We become the people we choose to be. The reasons we have certain views of life are not primarily because of the personality we are born with or the events we experience, but more so because of the choices we make.
I don't want to trivialize the suffering we all may face from time to time. Let's face it, living can be hazardous to our health. However, when tragedy strikes, we can decide to face it, deal with it and learn from it, or just give up.
When Terry Fox found out that he had cancer, I'm sure he was tempted to feel sorry for himself and just give in to the idea that he was a victim. Instead, he rose above the event, decided to make a difference, and use his personal tragedy to help others. He did this by attempting to run across Canada in order to make people more aware of cancer as well as raise funds for research. Unfortunately, the cancer did eventually take his life, but he didn't let it take his heart.
Indecision Takes Away Your Power
Fear of possibly making a wrong decision often blocks us from making choices. However, it's better to make a poor choice than no choice at all. At least then you can learn from it and change direction. If you get stuck in fear mode and don't make any choices, you never have the opportunity to grow. Indecision is also a decision but one that can cause much stress as well as a feeling of helplessness. Blaming fate or chance only contributes to this helplessness. When you realize that it's the choices we make, not just chance events, that direct and shape our lives, we come into real power and freedom. There is power in making decisions. It can be very liberating.
When we are aware of how our choices shape our life, we can see just how much power and control we have. We can then define what our life is to be, instead of just letting things happen because every choice we make, whether to act or not act, has an end result.
We choose, not only the actions we take, but the way we look at things, our thoughts and ideas. Whatever choices we make, whether they be physical or mental, there are always consequences or results. Therefore, we must be willing to accept the results we receive because of our choices. If we don't like the results, we need to change our choices.
For instance, if you decide to stay in a relationship that is of a negative nature, that is your choice; you will have to live with the result. As badly as that person treats you, you cannot really blame them for their actions, because you choose to stay. Don't say you cannot leave, because there is always a way. If you want to live the best life, you will make the choice to remove yourself from that situation.
Stop making excuses. If you want to change your life for the better, ensure the choices you make facilitate the necessary change.
We have so many options to choose from. The key is realizing we have options and the power to make the choice. The power and energy in every decision moves us from one place to another. The power of a decision can change the world.
Like many others, I have had to deal with the problem of debt. I seemed to accept the idea that I was in debt, and had no choice in the matter. Then, one day, while attending a seminar on a completely different topic, the speaker made reference to the importance of getting out of debt. It was an off-hand remark about debt, but it started me thinking.
I had two options. To continue on the way I was living or commit to getting out of debt. In that split second, I made the decision. I knew deep down that I was going to get out of debt. I just needed to find out how.
The power of that decision changed my life. Not only am I working towards getting out of debt, but my life is much richer – not just because I have less debt, but more importantly because I have more control of my life. Choosing to make decisions instead of just accepting what is, translates to empowerment. It means I am in control of my life.
Choice is Power
What matters is what you believe. Change your beliefs and thoughts, and you change your life. You choose what to believe and what to think about. In What Happy People Know, Dr. Baker describes choice as ". . . the voice of the heart. It's honesty in action." When we exercise choice, we are taking action giving us power. Often the problem with choice is that people don't realize they have options. There are so many possibilities available, but often we don't see what they are because we are engulfed in fear.
In You Can Choose To Be Happy: Rise Above Anxiety, Anger, and Depression, Dr. Tom G. Stevens says,
"We are each responsible for our own happiness. Responsibility follows control. Since each person has more control over his or her own happiness than anyone else's, then each person has the greatest responsibility for his or her own happiness. Why should someone else be more responsible for my happiness then I am – or vice-versa? "
A key to choosing happiness is to recognize the fact that you can indeed make the decision to choose happiness. The quality of our life is a result of choices we make. Sometimes, it's hard to make the choice for happiness. We may be really tired and feel we don't have the strength. Sometimes, on some level, we are enjoying the bad mood and want people to feel sorry for us.
One of the many misconceptions that can ensnare us is believing the way we think we are is set in stone and that nothing can be done about it. "This is the way I am. I have always been this way, and I can't change." I have heard this from many people who think they have no power over their own happiness. They have been that way for so long that they think were just born that way and cannot change.
It's not so much that we can't change our thinking pattern, but instead of that, on some level, we have made the decision that we don't want to change. Each one of us is totally responsible for our own happiness. The ability to change how we think, act, and feel is in all of us. We just need to believe and take action.
You Have Many Options
An Army volunteer sat down to his first meal in the mess. He surveyed his plate and asked the mess sergeant, "Don't I get any choice?", "Yes," was the reply. "You take it – or you leave it." Often people, like the volunteer, come to believe their options are very limited. Fortunately, the truth is that we actually have many options at our disposal; we just need to become aware of them. The key is to think outside the box to find the options that will best work for you.
When it comes to choosing happiness, realize that it is a valid option, one that only you have the right and responsibility to make for yourself. It will not only make life more enjoyable, but will create an atmosphere of joy that you can share.
Therefore, choosing happiness is not act of selfishness but a necessary action in order to ensure that we develop our best selves. If we do the work necessary to develop happiness in our life, not only will our life improve, but it will overflow all around us. The ultimate end result will be to bring happiness to the rest of the world.
Focus on the Positive
Don't ignore the negative in your life. The reality is there are many nasty things that will come our way, and we need to face and deal with them head on. While being aware of the negative aspects of our lives, it is important to shift your attention to things that empower you.
When unfortunate things happen, resolve to find meaning that resonates with you. In his book You Can Choose To Be Happy: Rise Above Anxiety, Anger, and Depression, Dr. Stevens tells a story about when he was a young boy. He was out for a drive with his father and brother. His father wanted to stop and speak to a friend and said he would be only a few minutes. Thirty minutes later, they were still in the car waiting for their father. They were getting angrier by the minute.
Then he realized that he was only hurting himself, so he decided to change his attitude. He did this by changing the focus of his anger towards his father to looking around at all the beauty that surrounded him. When his father did finally return, he was in a good mood because he decided to shift his attention to something positive. While your source of frustration may be much more intense and serious, remember that you always have choice as to how you will respond to it. Victor Frankl was a man who lived one of the worst experiences you could imagine.
In WWII, he was sent to a Nazi concentration camp. He suffered hunger, starvation, and pain. While many other prisoners gave up hope and died, he decided to live. He created his own positive imaginary world. Here, he looked for and found immense beauty, even in something as repulsive as a discarded fish head. With imagination, he had long conversations with his wife who had already been killed. After the war, he wrote a book called "Man's Search for Meaning" where he said The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.
He wasn't happy about the war, but he found happiness within himself in order to survive. If Victor Frankl could find happiness within the horror of war, can't we do the same?
Use Pleasure Wisely
When I talk about making happiness our primary goal, don't get it confused with pleasure. Pleasure may make you feel good for a while, but it doesn't last. It is not necessarily a bad thing, but it's often temporary. When you develop your Happiness Potential, a common side effect is pleasure. Enjoy the pleasure, but don't live for it. Happiness is something much more deep and rewarding.
Pleasure can be obtained by hurting others, which of course, is only going to come back to hurt you in the end. This, of course, will not bring authentic happiness. Some people may find pleasure in taking revenge on others who have wronged them. There is no denying that, for some, this may be a pleasurable thing. However, it will not create a Happy Being.
Dr. Stevens says,
"Maximizing happiness is different from maximizing pleasure. Pleasure is produced by lower brain centers responsible for getting our lower needs met. Pleasure does not care about other people's needs . . . Happiness is the only human state that measures our overall physical and mental well-being . . . It results from harmony among our inner parts. We cannot deny important parts of ourselves and be fully happy. We cannot neglect the future and be fully happy. Nor can we neglect others and be fully happy. Happiness and love go hand-in-hand. Loving someone means we value his or her happiness. When we feel love, we feel happy – whether the love is for an object, an activity, or a person. "
Be Realistic and Honest
You will not be happy every moment of your life. When you are ill or experience tragedy, of course you will feel pain or "dis-ease". Some days you will do better than others. On the days you don't feel so good, don't give up. It does not mean you are a failure if sometimes you don't feel the happiness. Don't beat yourself up because of this. You can't force it, but you can make the choice to work toward it.
Allow yourself to be honest with your emotions. Have a good cry and let the emotion flow through you instead of trying to block it. Once you get it out of your system, pick yourself up and continue the journey. Whatever you do, don't get stuck in self-pity. At one point, you may need to force yourself to snap out of it.
Like I mentioned earlier, I looked in the mirror and said, "This is it, I have had enough of feeling bad. I am snapping out of it, right here, right now." I pointed to myself, smiled, and told myself to get over it and get going. Doing a happy dance, twirling around the room, I began to laugh at how ridiculous I looked. Did this solve all my problems? No, but it sure helped to put me in a better frame of mind to deal with them. I made the choice to snap out of my negative state, instead of being held captive by it.
Remember to find the lesson in the moment, learn, and move on. As Dr. Stevens says:
"The persons who become the happiest and grow the most are those who also make truth and their own personal growth primary values. . .You can fail to reach a goal, but you can never fail to learn. "You always have options to choose from and it is your responsibility to find the best ones to suit your needs. There is no one way to accomplish it. It is as individual as each person that ever existed. Choosing happiness means finding the tools that are going to help you achieve happiness.
As we grow up, we are taught what to believe and how to behave in order to be a good person, a success, acceptable or lovable. When we believe in an idea, we have, in reality, agreed to it. On some level, we have said "Yes" to that idea. It becomes our reality.
Just because we say yes, does not mean that it's true or even healthy for us. Many of these ideas and concepts have validity and should be considered, but we need to examine what we agree to and figure out what is truly valid and what is not. We need to agree that we have choices and then find the ones that will lead to happiness. We just need to agree to the idea that we have the power to make the necessary choices that will lead to happiness. It is all up to us.
The Happiness Habit
Make choosing happiness a habit. Take a look at how the website Dictionary.com defines a habit:
a. A recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition.
b. An established disposition of the mind or character.
In other words, it's something we do without thinking. We develop a habit by "frequent repetition". Happiness is not the feeling or buzz that comes with a pleasant event. It's a mindset – a way of thinking. Since we have total control over the way we think, then we have control of our emotions. We can develop a positive, happy mindset by cultivating happy habits.
You can develop your Happiness Habit by choosing to use happiness strategies outlined in this book, such as gratitude, forgiveness and claiming your personal power to name a few.
Why is it critical to develop the Habit of Happiness? Remember when London's subway was hit by terrorists? Fifty-one people died and many others suffered greatly. It's at times like this that it is so important to possess the Habit of Happiness. I was encouraged in reading that the day of the attack, people were still going about their business, socializing, and making it clear that in spite of the cruel actions of others, they were determined to show that it was "business as usual". They were not going to let the bombing stop them from living. To do so would be to admit the terrorists had won.
I don't make light of the gravity of what happened, nor do I say we should just brush it under the rug and pretend it didn't happen. Those that did it should be brought to justice. What I do say is that it is imperative that, despite the horror, despite the cruel and incomprehensible motives and actions of these individuals, we need to make the choice to continue living our lives to the fullest and not give in to fear. Developing the Habit of Happiness means that we show full appreciation for what we have.
With gratitude and forgiveness, we have the power to not let these acts control us through anger and hatred, and to continue to find clarity of purpose and live that purpose every day. If we are able to do this, we will be the victors.
If Happiness is not a habit with you, I challenge you to make the choice to start today by incorporating these ideas into your life. They say it takes at least 30 days to develop a new habit. Start now, and commit to expressing appreciation, extending forgiveness, cease complaining and pursue your dream.