The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Take Control
Think about all the people and events that push your buttons and send you over the top. Let's talk about why this happens, and some things that can overcome it. I suggest you take a look at the book called How to Stop People from Pushing Your Buttons by Dr. Albert Ellis and Arthur Lange. In this simple but insightful book, the authors acknowledge how hard life can sometimes seem to be. There is so much stress with companies going out of business, people losing their jobs, and families facing so many challenges. Our lives have become so fast-paced that we have to deal with many frustrations and hardships.
There are many opportunities to have our buttons pushed. This book gives excellent and practical ideas to help you cope and overcome the temptation to blow your stack when others irritate you.
According to the authors, there are only three things that humans can do: think, feel and behave. They continue by saying, ". . . if we're going to keep people and things from pushing our buttons, we'd better learn how to direct and control the way we respond mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally to button-pushers."
To help in coping with lifes' challenges, Ellis and Lange share the ABCs of button pushing. This is a three step process that we go through when our buttons are pushed. Being aware of these ABCs, we are in a better position to deal with these irritants.
The first step is A, or the Activating Event. Examples are individuals who irritate you or when your gadgets break down. Maybe you made specific plans you were really looking forward to, only to realize they have fallen apart.
Let's skip to Step 3, or C, which stands for Consequence. Something happens to irritate us. The end result may be that we overreact by becoming angry and lashing out. Maybe you have good reason to react the way you do, but does it feel good, and is it productive?
A is the Activating Event, what started it all, and C is the Consequence or end result. What about B, you might be asking? Yes, B. That is a very important step indeed.
Step B stands for Beliefs about the Activating Event. In the ABC process, B is a point in time where you are analyzing the situation and making a decision about how to react. It may just be a split second, but it's a definite point in time. In that split second, we make a choice as to how to react. Will it be positive or in anger and bitterness?
It can happen so fast, we often don't even recognize it is happening, and therefore believe that we have no choice in the matter. The reaction is to say that it is only natural to be upset. It just happened, and there was no time to think. However, the reality is that there is an actual point in time that our brain takes to register the event and make a decision about how to react.
Benjamin Libet is a neurosurgeon who discovered there is a lapse in time between when an individual decides to take action and when they actually do it. He called it the "life-change quarter- second". This split second offers you the chance to stop yourself from taking negative action. You can use this time to change how you look at the event and therefore avert making it worse.
In that moment, you make a choice. You decide to get angry and overreact, or you decide to be in control of your emotions. It is a decision by which you can exercise the strength to make a constructive decision to let go of your frustration and anger.
Again, that doesn't mean that you let people run your life. Instead, it's a matter of pausing to consider what may happen if you overreact, get angry, and end up doing or saying something you might regret.
A cool head will not only help to resolve problems quicker and more productively, but also will help to make better decisions. If anger becomes your motivation, things may be said and done that will be regrettable.
So the next time you are faced with an unpleasant situation, remember that split second. Recognize it and make sure to use it to choose control. Smile and say, "Thank you for sharing," and then walk away. Or stop and listen to the pain the other person may be expressing. Be open to what you can learn. Act with intelligence and compassion, not blind reaction.
Realize what the possible consequences of your actions are. You are in charge of your personal Remote Control. Push the buttons wisely.