The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Be Independent
There are many ways we can learn to be independent. For example, when we stop worrying about what others think of us or stop comparing ourselves with others, either negatively or positively. When we bemoan the fact that others may be prettier than we are, have more money, or are more successful, we use up life's precious energy that we could be using to develop our own lives and enjoy what we have.
Self-worth that comes from a feeling of superiority over others is actually admission that we are less. If we need to pump ourselves up by putting others down, we are building on a phantom foundation. In reality, we are really giving away our personal power. Comparing ourselves in order to justify our existence, whether in a positive or negative way, will only lead to weakness.
True strength comes from knowing who you are, including all of your strengths and weaknesses, and being fine with it. It is also about working on the not-so-perfect parts when and where you can, while at the same time, without guilt or self-recrimination, accepting yourself totally, no matter what others may think. That is independence.
Our lives are a constant work in progress where we endeavour to become the best we can be. You don't have to have the material possessions others have in order to be happy. All you need is to see the wonder you already possess. Everyone has something unique and beautiful to offer the world.
Society doesn't help us to be independent. We are constantly bombarded by the media and marketing through TV, articles, and ads telling us what we must look like, what we must own, and how to live to be happy. The problem is that many of those products are not there to make us any happier; they are there to make someone else richer. It's hard to live up to the standard they push. This is especially true for women, who continually compare themselves to all the gorgeous models.
The solution is to be the best you can, whatever that is at any given point in time. Be exactly who you are, not what you are told that others think you should be. Being authentic and happy is the best beauty there is. We will never live up to the standard that society puts on us, nor do we need to. We should create our own standard of who we should be and what to look like, and live up to it. That is what it means to be authentic.
No matter what may be said, people who are physically attractive do have more of an advantage over others. To some degree, it makes sense that an attractive-looking specimen gives the impression, on some level, of being healthier, and therefore, more likely to bear children and carry on the race. In reality, it may be far from the truth, but it's human nature.
I didn't say it was fair I just said it makes sense. After all, nature wants us to procreate. It does this by getting the two sexes together for the mating dance. It is always throwing out bait through colour, sound, smell, and beauty. Nature doesn't care about worth; it just wants you to make babies.
Fortunately, we can choose to go beyond the limits that nature might put on us. There is so much more to who and what we are beyond what is physical. While beauty may be a plus to help one to succeed in some aspects of life, it does not guarantee happiness. That someone may not be so attractive is irrelevant. The ability to be independent of the way others think about us is not only freeing, but makes us very attractive.
So whether you are upset because you are not as good looking as others, or that you may have a false sense of pride because you perceive you are better than others, understand that you need to find your value just for being, instead of being better or worse than others.
In order to achieve happiness, it is important to create your own standard to live by. Find out what makes you happiest and let that shine as your beauty again, the ability to be independent of what others think, especially about you.
If you don't care what others think, how others look or act no longer matters, either. If you are going to compare yourself to anyone, let it be you alone. You decide what needs to change and do whatever it takes to make it happen. Develop yourself to be the best you can be, and leave others to do the same for themselves. Instead of complaining about what is not right about your life, take whatever action necessary to make it right, whatever that might mean to you. The things others have that you think would make your life so great may be nothing more than stuff.
It's important to be authentically you to be the best you can be, inside and out. Look your best, act your best, feel your best. and don't spend time worrying about how you compare to others.
There might be a temptation to change yourself in order to live up to external expectations. Trying to be what you think others want you to be will only frustrate and build anger and bitterness. It is only by being totally true to yourself that will you be able to be independent of others opinions and filled with genuine happiness.
Be yourself and not a clone of someone else. There is only one person who has the right or ability to give approval for your existence, and that is you. Don't relinquish that power to anyone else.
Life will often throw garbage your way. You never know when it's going to happen. You can't live your life in fear of those moments, nor can you be ready for them. If you develop yourself to be the best you can be, you will be better prepared to face those difficult times.
Be Authentic
Honesty is the best policy. Happiness cannot be achieved if we are deceitful or dishonest. Lying, cheating, and stealing will only bring about negative results. When you do these things to others, you not only hurt them, but damage yourself, as well.
One of the biggest problems is that many people are not fully honest with themselves. They convince themselves that the way they act or the things they do are for their own good or for the good of those around them. They think that they have the right to be hurtful.
Self-deceit leads only to self-defeat. You have to be totally honest with yourself. You have to be able to face your faults and honestly look at who your are and what you need to do in order to make a positive difference in your life.
Are you living the life you want, or the life that others think you should be living? If your desires and goals align with those of other people in your life, great. However, if you are living a life dictated by others, and it does not ring true to your inner-most being, then you need to break free. Have the courage to stand up and say, Hey world, this is me! I am fantastic just as I am. This is what I want to do and be. In other words, don't let others define you.
On the other side of the coin, happiness cannot come at the expense of others. There is a difference between what is best for you (positive self-interest) and thoughtless action to get your way (being self-absorbed). Though positive self-interest is an important aspect of happiness, if it crosses over and your actions are detrimental to others, then only misery will be the result all around.
It's in your best interest to be loving, thoughtful, and respectful of others even if the impulse is to think they don't deserve it. Your self-interest is not served when you degrade and destroy others, no matter how good it may feel at the time. Refraining from doing so demonstrates strength, courage, and integrity.
At the same time, be firm about your needs, goals, desires, and dreams. Positive self-interest is about taking care of yourself first, thereby enabling you to serve others. When you go on a plane, the flight attendants always go through the safety procedures. They make a point of saying that in the event of the cabins losing air pressure, the oxygen masks come down. They continue by saying in the case of small children, the adults should always put on their mask first, before they assist their children. After all, if the adults pass out, what good are they to the children? Tarzan would approve.
How many of you work hard at taking care of your loved ones, but take no time to take care of yourself? What good will you do them if you are dead? Take the time to eat well, get enough rest, and develop your mind and body.
Positive self-interest is about being independent of what others think you should be doing, knowing your own worth, and taking whatever steps necessary towards becoming the happiest and healthiest you. A wonderful by product of this is that your joy will overflow to those around you. And that is a good thing.