The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Overcome the Judge
I am happiest when I'm not being judgmental. Judging others is a burden; it weighs you down with a feeling of what is right and wrong, namely I am right and you are wrong. If you don't agree with me that you are wrong, you annoy me. That's why road rage is all the rage.
Being judgmental is the source of much of the pain in the world. We judge things right or wrong, good or bad, weak or strong. How do we know that we have what it takes to make a true judgment on a situation? All we have is our perception of the world and what we have learned. There are some people in this world who have made a judgment that we in the West are evil, and should be wiped out. Then there are those here in the West who believe they have cornered the truth and that the terrorists are pure evil.
We often tend to judge others as good or bad depending on whether or not they agree or disagree with our views and thoughts. If you don't agree with me, there is something wrong with you. We are supposed to be living in a society where free speech and free thought are promoted, but if you disagree with me, watch out. What ever happened to agreeing to disagree?
If you have hurt me, you are bad. I am a nicer person than you are. You did something wrong twenty years ago, so you are evil. Yesterday, I helped a little old lady across the street, so I am better than you are.
If judging others isn't bad enough, we are constantly judging ourselves as well. Am I dressed right? Do I have enough money? I'm better than you? I'm a bad boy/girl?
Stop it! Whenever we put ourselves above or below someone, we are putting ourselves in danger of judgment. Stop comparing and start concentrating on being the best you can be – not being better or worse than the others around you. Stop putting yourself down because so and so is a bit better at some task than you are, or they have had more opportunities than you have, or have many of the things you want. So what?
Concentrate on yourself, in the present, in the moment. Find the thing that makes you tick, that makes the best you come alive. If it requires that you compare yourself or judge yourself on some sort of man-made standard, then you have missed the point. If you have to put someone else down in order to make yourself feel good, then there is something faulty in your thinking.
Learning to stop judging either yourself or those around you frees you up to attain the number one goal of your life: learning to love yourself fully and unconditionally. Judgments are a major block to this goal. Free and abundant love will not live in the same area as judgments.
There is a time and a place to use our judgment, as long as it is used wisely and is in the best interest of all, not as evidence that your way of thinking is better than that of others. A judge is supposed to be impartial, not carried by the emotions of the event. They are supposed to look at the facts and determine, without prejudice, what is the best course of action.
If we are standing before a judge in a court of law, we hope the judge will be fair in making his/her judgment. In this case, it's not a matter of emotion but a matter of what is the best course of action for the situation. In reality, judges are human and have been known to let their personal views cloud their decisions. The principle still remains that there are times we need to assess the situation and decide what to do about it. This is valid and not a problem. The problem is when we judge in such a way as to determine other peoples' worth.
Of course, it is then up to the other person to determine whether or not they are going to accept your view of them and, if they are strong and smart, they will know that your view of them does not determine who they are. On the other hand, what does it say about you and your character?
If you put someone else down, you are trying to prove you are a better person than they are. It's arrogant of you to do so. Arrogance says that you are insecure about who you are because you need to make someone else look bad in order to make yourself look good. It's a "look at me" mentality.
Comparing yourself in a negative way is also a judgment and a way to get the focus on yourself. You want the world to see you in all your supposed insignificance, to point out to the world that you know you are bad before they can do it for you. If you point out your weakness before they do, then somehow you feel you are okay. It's still a "look at me" mentality.
There are times when we need to made decisions about our life. We say that we need to use our best judgment to determine what to do. We take all things into consideration, determine the best course of action, and then decide to move forward. This is valid and necessary.
This is different from placing judgment on others' worth. Destructive judgment is all about comparisons. I am a better person because I have more money than you, I am prettier than you, I have a better education than you. . . and the list goes on.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying abundance and wealth, appreciating the finer aspects of your mind or body, or sharing your knowledge and talents with others. However, when you start to declare that you are somehow better or more worthy than others because you possess certain abilities or possessions, you are only going to end up hurting yourself.
You are not a mind reader and cannot know all and see all as to why people act the way they do. For instance, I am amazed when I hear people talk about other people's driving habits. I agree that sometimes people show poor judgment when driving and have done some careless things. However, by the way people talk, you would think that other drivers are the lowest of criminals and should be locked away without a trial.
Just because people make mistakes while driving doesn't mean they are like that all the time or that they go home and beat up their family. We don't know what is going on inside the head of people at the time they do certain actions. Who are we to judge them as bad?
Again let me state, as I have done many times before, that all people need to be held accountable for their actions, but to determine that they are bad just because you don't like what they did is not in your best interest.
How much of life we pass by because we judge instead of being open, forgiving, and taking the time to truly understand.
Jesus said, "Judge not lest ye be judged," which I interpret to mean that if you are judgmental of others, you are really saying more about yourself. To condemn others, you are really condemning yourself. We have all made mistakes, so who are we to judge? Instead, we should use this as an opportunity to learn instead of branding people as unworthy.
Stop judging yourself or others. Stop trying to read their mind and determine what you think is their "motive" or "reason" for doing things. It's a burden to do so and will only serve to sow strife in your life, as well as in all those around you. You should always display respect while saying no to the behaviour. Most of all, respect yourself. Instead condemning yourself for your mistakes, forgive, love, learn, and grow.