The Strategies
Enjoy this experpt from the book Strategies for Happiness: How to Achieve Your Happiness Potential. To get the full story, Click here to order a copy today!
Personal Power
"It's just not fair! It's not right the way they treat me! I don't deserve this! I have rights, you know!"
Does this sound familiar?
It's so easy to blame those around us for causing the pain in our lives. It's much easier than claiming responsibility for our lives and how we react to events. It's impossible to change others to suit our needs, so don't even try.
When someone causes us pain, we must make a decision to deal with it within ourselves. This doesn't mean we change our beliefs to conform to others, but that we need to adjust our attitude and reaction to best deal with any situation. Claiming your personal power and taking responsibility for your reactions to the situation will help you to deal with life's frustration.
Victimization
Think of a time when you have felt like you were a victim. When we allow ourselves to be victims in any situation, we are not in control because we give our power away to others. That is why it's so important to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions. Again, we can't control how other people act, but we can choose to respond in a constructive way instead of giving into the temptation of a knee-jerk reaction.
I understand the seductiveness of victimhood. There is a certain pleasure to being the victim, the hero or heroine of the drama of your life. The problem is, a victim is giving away their power to someone else and is therefore at their mercy. You need to ask yourself if you want to allow others to control and manipulate you, or, be the one in control of your life and well-being?
There are times when things happen and we feel that it's not our fault. The temptation is to say, "Poor me!" and wallow in self-pity. It's a natural reaction to scream "It's not fair!" Whether it's fair or not, anger and self-pity will take its toll on you, even playing havoc on your health.
Entitlement
Our society has taught us to feel entitled to the things we have or to the things we think we should have. Credit cards have been a big factor in creating a "society of entitlement". Because people have the ability to purchase things they want immediately, they get instant gratification and a sense of importance. The problem is they still have to pay for the items they purchase. After awhile, they get to thinking that this gives them the right to have items, whether they need them or not. When they can't have them right away, they scream, "Foul play!" Entitlement breeds discontent.
We are taught to fight for our "rights". I believe that we don't have any rights. In fact, we are entitled to nothing, but we do have the opportunity to acquire everything whether it be material or spiritual. Entitlement is the sense that I should have things just because I want them. On the other hand, opportunity is the sense of power that I have to take action and achieve my goals.
For instance, we are not entitled to own a house. However, we do possess the ability and the opportunity to do whatever it takes to acquire one. We can find a job, earn and save up enough money, make the down payment, etc. Some individuals who receive social assistance get into a habit of expecting to be taken care of. They may get free money, but this does not free their spirit. Entitlement is a weight that holds you down.
Rescue
Have you ever been in a bad situation, and instead of taking action to overcome it, sat in self-pity hoping that someone would come along and take care of it for you? I know I have. Sometimes we need help, and there is nothing wrong with accepting it when it does come your way, but it's a cop-out to just give up and expect others to take care of you. You might be waiting a very long time. The American economist and social commentator Thomas Sowell said:
We should listen first and foremost to our own experience. . . We should stop looking for saviors. . . Society has not existed for thousands of years because it had a succession of saviors. It's existed because it has institutions and processes through which people can realize their own goals.
Blame
It's so easy to blame those around us for causing the pain in our lives. It's much easier than looking within ourselves and seeing how we can change things. We can't change others to suit our needs, so we have to look within ourselves to see how we can change. This does not mean that we should just give in and let people get away with things. In fact, I suggest that everyone needs to be held accountable. However, it's important to understand that since we can't change others, if someone causes us pain, we must make a decision on how to deal with it.
Instead of falling prey to these negative behaviors, make the choice to be a Victor, not a Victim. Enable yourself make your dreams and goals possible, through education, developing your inner self, and creating your own dreams and goals instead of feeling entitled and expecting others to provide for you. Claim your personal power through taking full Responsibility for your life and actions instead of waiting for others to rescue you. Be a Blessing to those in your life instead of always blaming them for the problems you may experience.
The bottom line is that we all must take full responsibility for our lives and actions. If we mess things up, we can choose to stand up and accept the consequences. If someone does something nasty to us, we can take control, identify positive ways to overcome this and make the decision not to let it control us. We can't control everything that is done to us, but we can control how we will react to it.
When we are in the depths of such an event, it's hard to think clearly. That is why it's so important to learn to claim your personal power so that whenever a negative event happens, you don't get enveloped in the pain, but instead, choose what you want it to be and create a meaning that will empower you. Be in control; don't let outer events control or define you.
Claiming our personal power means that we take responsibility for our lives. It's being accountable for our actions. It's responding, instead of reacting. If someone else makes a mess of things and it affects us, we can take control of our response or just react without thinking. It's better to take control and identify positive ways to overcome the situation and make the decision to not let it control us.
Bestow a Blessing
Webster defines a blessing as "the utterance of a wish, request or direction that good should follow, pronounced over a person or an object, or the benefit which follows such utterances."
When you are dealing with others who cause you pain, make a conscious effort to wish them well. Make an effort to think of good things coming their way. Although you need to acknowledge your anger and hurt, don't allow yourself the luxury of hoping that bad things happen to them. Revenge will only hurt you in the end. When we envision good things happening to those that hurt us, we release our pain and the control it has over us.
Personal power is all about making the choice to be in control and not let other people or events dictate how you will live. Will you be a victim, or a victor?